It'll Be Forever, Sir!
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: Surely it’s not just the kiss. There must be something deeper if he’s shouting his new found sexuality from the roof. *ONESHOT*


**A/N: Just a quick fic about Vince's thoughts during the kiss scene in Party.**

**First fic, so let me know what you think please? **

**Italics are thoughts.**

**Vince's p.o.v**

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to the mighty Julian and Noel.**

* * *

**It'll Be Forever, Sir.**

* * *

I dash round the corner, looking for a place to hide.

_This is ridiculous._

_He's being completely unreasonable! _

_What kind of reasonable person takes a sword to a birthday party anyway? _

_I'd understand if I'd actually got off with his wife. _

_For once I'm completely innocent, unbelievable as that seems._

I look up, maybe looking to heaven for some miracle that won't come…and then it does, in the form of a skylight.

I drag a chair over so I can climb up and flick the window open. The cold night air hits me as I place a foot on the ledge and spot Howard sat on the roof, looking like jazz had just been banned.

"Hi" I say letting me know I was there.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" he replies, his mood obviously not brightened by my presence.

_Which is weird because everyone else's always is. _

_I'm like a ball of sunshine in a room of darkness I've been told._

"Head shamans gone mental, thinks I got off with his wife, he's gonna chop my head off…" I explain as I climb to sit next to him.

_God knows what he's thinking now…_

_Vince with no self control. _

_Vince who'll go with anyone that throws themselves at him. _

_Vince with no limits. _

_Well I do have limits, I didn't kiss her, did I? _

_Ok, alright, that might have been because I knew I'd get killed for it. _

_But I wouldn't of anyway. _

_Not with a married woman. _

_Well I don't think I would…_

"What are you doing here?" I ask, partially trying to take the spotlight off me but mostly outta concern for Howard.

"I'm in hiding ,aren't I?" He sighs, knowing he's gonna have to admit what a humiliation today had been.

"What?" I ask, genuinely puzzled by what he's has to hide from.

"I'm hiding from the shame, the embarrassment that is my birthday party." There you go humiliation admitted.

_Oh yeah, the spin the bottle thing. _

_In all honestly I'd forgot about that in my struggle to escape._

_I know it must be hard for him, having his virginity spread for the world to see but come on, none of those people would know who he is tomorrow._

_Though that's probably not the best thing to say in this situation. _

"Oh come on Howard, it doesn't matter that you're a virgin, it's fine. Women respect that. They don't mind that you've not gone beyond a kiss"

_Well there's probably women somewhere that won't mind._

Howard though instead of looking cheered up, glared out into the night.

_Ah, this could be slightly trickier to handle._

"You've never kissed anyone have you?" I ask trying not to sound too surprised but not like I expected it either, it was hard trying to find the balance and he still took it the wrong way anyways.

"So?" he asked a weird mixture of hurt and anger.

I knew now wasn't a time to push it but I really couldn't deal with such a heavy tension between us.

_A little joke to lighten the mood could either work wonders or make things ten million times worse._

"Have you ever held anyone's hand?"

_Hope he realises it was a joke otherwise I'm gonna sound well harsh…_

The glare was re-directed at me.

_Apparently not then…_

"I don't like people touching me, ok? He said defensiveness flaring into action.

"Anyway, I've had deeper relationships, in my mind, at a distance than you'll ever have in your lifetime, you know that?"

_Come again? _

_I don't remember any deep relationships going on._

_Unless he was on about…_

"Are you talking about the incident with the binoculars?"

_Ha that was quite a laugh looking back on it, well not for Howard obviously._

_Actually that might not have been the best thing to bring up right now._

"That was never proved!" One of Howard's many emotionally raw nerves hit.

"It was in _The Guardian_"

_I still have that somewhere, not quite sure why to be honest._

_Suppose it's a reminder of the good times._

"Look, I don't flit about…"

_Neither do I!_

"…I don't play the field, alright…"

_Ok I can't really get out of that one coz what I said earlier but still the way he was saying it…_

"…when I make that leap across the physical boundary, it'll be forever sir."

_Well that's no way to live you life, what if you never find that someone, what if you get hit by a bus or fall of a magic carpet?_

I was just about to tell him that when The Head Shaman burst up through the skylight, sword already drawn.

…_or you get your head chopped off by a pissed husband._

"Ah, there you are, you prancing kingfisher, prepare to die!" said the aforementioned pissed husband slash shaman with a sword, not a good combo to have really.

_Shit, I've got myself outta some pretty sticky situations in the past but this is looking a bit hopeless from where I'm sitting…which is on a roof with no wait off except to hurl myself to my almost certain death._

_I'll have to talk myself out of this one, that normally works well._

"Yeah, look mate, I'm not interested in your wife, we were just standing in a cupboard together." I flimsily defend myself with.

"Just in the cupboard with an extreme sports model? I don't think so!"

_Yeah I gotta admit if I was him I wouldn't believe me either. _

_Time for something stronger I think._

"Honestly, I'm not interested in your wife, I'm in love with someone already" I make up, the lies just flowing out.

"The lies of a backtracking worm"

_Oh god, he's really not buying this…_

I look round at Howard, hoping he'd come in with some story to back me up.

_Come on Howard…Howard!_

_This could work!_

"I'm in love with Howard!"

The look on Howard face is priceless!

_Come on, come on! Back me up!_

"Oh!" He says, realisation flickers through his eyes.

_Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

"Yeah, we're in love" he says in a monotone, he probably thinks this is the icing on the cake. First everyone finds out he's a virgin, now apparently he's gay.

_Well, it could be worse at least he didn't have a reputation to uphold, whereas my back was practically breaking under the weight of mine. _

_But if it means me keeping my head then its gotta be done._

"Prove it!" the shaman snarls

_God, if it wasn't bad enough!_

_Oh well, at least it'll be interesting._

_And it'll be doing a good thing for Howard, though he probably won't thank me for it._

Without any further thought I sorta fling myself at him, hands pulling his face to mine, lips connecting with his. I was vaguely aware of him tugging at the sleeve of my top but I didn't let it distract me.

_My god, he's bad at this._

_I bet he'd be better with practise…did I really just think that?!_

_Where did that come from?_

I heard the moans of disgust come from the direction of the shaman.

_Bloody homophobe…I suppose it's hard not to be open minded when your kissing another guy._

I ran my fingers down his jaw line.

_Maybe he was crap but now I think about it I'm not really that bothered._

_I mean for his first ever kiss, it's not that bad._

I feel him smile as I move off his mouth, trailing kisses from his jaw to his cheek.

_He's probably in a state of shock bless him._

"Huh?" I wave my arms at the shaman, daring him not to believe me after that.

"Gonna have to go away and re-think a few basic principles, bye" he ducked back down through the window.

"Bye" I say all cheery.

_After all he's not going to kill me now, what's the harm in being friendly?_

_It was a bit fun actually._

I laugh out loud at that idea.

_Funnier than I'd expected anyway._

_Hmmm…was it…_

_Nah, it wasn't Howard, of course not._

_It was probably just the thrill of nearly getting killed._

_Why would it be because of Howard?_

…_it's not like I fancy him or anything._

"Thanks Howard" I say suddenly remembering that without him, I would have lost everything north of me neck.

That's when I notice he's gone all serious looking on me.

"Thank you"

_Oh shit!_

"What do you mean?" I lean backwards, suddenly aware of how close we are.

"Thank you for the gift of love"

I hold up my hands, almost pushing the space between us.

"It was just a kiss" I implore him to see it for what it was.

_I mean I'm used to people falling for me but not Howard, he'd never even looked once at me that way. _

_It was just a meaningless kiss, to get the head shaman of my back._

_Just a pity kiss coz he's never been kissed before._

_Just a kiss._

_Right?_

"Come on, a light went on in my head then" his small brown eyes filled with the adoration I'd seen in so many peoples eyes before.

_But I can't deal with that look from him._

I look round me, searching for something to get me out of this, something to bring Howard out of his kiss induced fixation with me.

_Anything! _

_I could have dealt with the usual reaction he has to getting touched but not this…_

_It's not right…_

_It's Howard…_

_He can't think of me like that. _

_He's as straight as the rulers in Stationary Village. _

_But what he said earlier…?_

_No, what am I thinking, it's Howard for Christ sakes!_

"You have flicked my switch baby!" He continued.

_Now I'm gonna have to talk myself out of this one too._

_This for some reason this felt worse._

_Much worse._

_But I gotta do it, it's not fair on him._

_As soon he's snapped out of this, he'll back to his old self and where will that leave me?_

_He's my best friend it's my job to snap him out of this._

"Look Howard, you've got to stop falling for people when they give you the slightest bit of affection" I said trying to empathise the word _slightest _but putting it on the word _affection_ instead.

_Why am I so bothered by this?_

_I said it myself, it was just a kiss._

_Just a stupid, pity, I wonder what this would be like, this is actually rather good kiss…_

_Where are all these thoughts coming from. _

_I swear to God I've not had these thoughts of him like these before. _

_Well not often and not seriously like this before._

_Oh come on I'm a hot blooded male, I can't control what I think sometimes._

_But this…_

_This is different._

_So different that I'm not even sure that I'm not in some weird kiss-induced trance._

_But what if I'm not?_

_He almost certainly is and there's no way I could handle it if he came to his senses._

_It's easier to keep my mouth, and my mind, shut and try and drag him out of this._

"Don't pretend you don't love me"

"Love?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

_I'm not that far gone, ta very much!_

_I'm hardly shouting these random thoughts I'm having from rooftops._

_And neither are you._

_You don't love me._

_You never will._

_You just wouldn't._

"Oh yes" he said oblivious to my desperation to get him to stop with this.

_Can't you see how much worse you're making this._

_I can't keep saying no to you, not when you won't even listen to reason._

_Time to shock him out of this…_

"Howard, you've gone mad!"

"That's what this is all about"

_Ok you've lost me now…_

"No, it isn't?" I say, wondering what the hell he's on about.

"Me and you" he said simply, the way he does when he's answering one of my stupid questions or when I'm being a bit slow.

_But I'm not being slow now. _

_I really have not got a clue what he's trying to say._

"What do you mean me and you?" I asked, more confused by him than anything I was feeling at the moment.

"The arguing, the bickering…it's all because of the sexual tension, the deep molten sexual tension that's been brewing up between us"

_No, no, no, no, no, no…no?_

"I don't think it is"

_Well, I don't think it is._

_Its just me being annoying and him being …well him._

"_Yes, you've shown me the way" he sat up and began to stand._

_Oh god, maybe he was gonna shout it from the rooftop._

He wobbled a bit, not quite sure of his balance.

"You're gonna fall Howard." I said, scared shitless that he actually was.

"You've given me the keys" he said as soon as he had his balance.

_Physically balanced maybe but emotionally balanced - not so much - and mentally balanced - most certainly not!_

"The keys to what?"

_He really is making less sense than Naboo after he'd been on his hookah all night._

"The keys to a whole new kingdom, a whole new kingdom…of gaydom!"

I look up at him in amazement.

_Surely it's not just the kiss._

_There must be something deeper if he's shouting his new found sexuality from the roof._

I just can't believe this is happening.

_This is so unlike Howard._

_He never says anything like this._

_He keeps everything so close to his chest._

"I'm a gay!" he shouted for all the night to hear.

_Maybe he just never said anything coz he thought I'd laugh at him._

_I gotta admit if I wasn't so touched or so confused myself, I'd be laughing me head off._

"I'm a massive gay-ist"

_Now he's not making sense on any level, bless him._

_He's so out of place, so out of context ._

_Just like the thoughts._

_Maybe he has changed._

_Maybe it was cause of me._

_Maybe he does love me._

_Maybe._

_Maybe maybe is enough._

_Maybe I could love you back._

_Maybe._

_Maybe I already do._

_These thoughts can't have just sprung from nowhere._

_Unless they did._

_But that's fine._

_As long as I can love him, it doesn't matter where it came from._

_As long as it's there._

_Bless him up there cheering his head off._

_He's happy._

_This is the happiest I've ever seen him._

_And I've made him like that._

_He doesn't know how much knowing that means to me._

_The one person who I never tried to make love, already does._

_And he loves me for who I am, not the hair or the clothes._

_Not like the people down below us, still parting their shallow little hearts out._

And in that second I realise…

_Howard was right, he didn't need this big party full of people who don't care that it's his birthday._

_All he did need was the people that did care._

_The people who he loved._

_The people who loved him._

_Love him like I love him._

_I love him…_

And I was literally just about to tell him this when he flung himself at me.

"Pucker up!" He was off his tits on happiness now, stick a poncho on him and I doubt he could get any happier.

I held out my arms to catch him, planning on telling him my epiphany through another kiss but the sheer force of his fall knocked me sideways.

"Oh shit!!" I'd completely forgot that we we're on a flaming roof thought the sheer drop downward soon reminded me.

_Oh well at least we'll die happy._

_And it beats getting your head chopped off._

I closed my eyes preparing for the worst when I hit something soft and was flung back up in the air.

Oh yeah, Howard's birthday present, thank god I actually did get him this. I can tell you now, bouncy castles are by far the best invention in my opinion at the moment.

"Told you I'd got you a present!" I said slightly gloating coz he didn't believe me earlier.

We landed back on the bouncy castle and Howard looked around as though he expected it to vanish any second.

"You coulda wrapped it" he said, a warm smile lighting up his small brown eyes.

"How cool is this?"

_Right now we're not dead I should tell him how I feel._

_A life threatening experience really does reinforce my live for the moment motto._

I was just about to open my mouth when that woman from before walked through the door.

"Howard? Hi"

_Oh my god, you can't tell me she was actually interested._

"Hi!"

I saw in his face the same look he'd given me only 30 seconds ago.

Sparks of jealousy rose in me like some green fire.

"Happy birthday" she said all fluttering eyelashes and coy smile.

"Thank you, you came back"

_Hey! I never got a thank you and I got you a sodding bouncy castle, all she's done is turn up in more make up than me._

"Uh, yeah, sorry, what's going on here?"

"She came back" Howard waved his arms over to the girl, as if to justify himself.

_Well I can see that can't I?_

_What about me I was here all along._

_I'm probably the only one here that's actually here for you not coz I invited them._

_You wouldn't have even met her if I hadn't paid her to talk to you._

_But I can't very well say that can I?_

"Yeah? Did she? Great! I thought you loved me!" That just about summed up all hurt feelings that were going through my head.

"Yeah, that was a momentary lapse"

_Here we go, back to normal Howard._

_Well what if I didn't want just normal Howard anymore?_

_What if I wanted him back to how he was before?_

_Which, by the way I do._

_And there's no way I'm gonna let some girl he only met this morning stand in the way of that._

_I'll have to talk myself back in to this one._

"Listen, fiddler on the roof, we kissed up there"

"Keep it under your hat yeah? What goes on the roof stays on the roof"

_And what if I don't want it to stay on the roof, what if I want it to come down and have a cuppa and watch TV with us?_

"maybe I should just leave you two alone?"

_Now your getting it!_

"Yeah, you're getting it, we're having a few relationship problems. So maybe you could nick off and go get some twig lets"

_And never come back._

"Don't go anywhere, wait there" Howard said turning from her to me.

I was stunned into silence.

_How could he be picking some bird he barely knew over me?_

_How could he pick anyone over me?_

"Vince, you're a great guy but the timing was off"

_What bloody timing, it's only been five minutes!_

"Unbelievable! I've never been chucked in my entire life and now I'm being chucked by _you!"_

_Shit, that wasn't meant to sound as harsh as that._

"Come on, you'll meet someone else" Howard said putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll never love again" I shrugged his hand off.

_Oh crap._

_That's a bit melodramatic, even by my standards._

_I didn't mean to say it._

_It just came out._

_God, I've said too much._

_I have to find a way to take that back._

_But how?_

As if by demand some electro girl, dressed head to toe in shiny colours, just my type, came through the door.

"Hi" her smile lit up her face.

"Hey" I tried my hardest to fake a similar smile but I could feel that it never made it to my eyes.

_Sure I'll regret this in the morning when I wake up next to her knowing once again that it meant very little if anything to me but it's an escape anyway and I should be grateful for that._

"hey Howard, forget it I'm over you" I reached out a hand to help my new found girl onto the bouncy castle.

For a second something resembling regret flickered in his eyes but it soon cleared as he offered a hand to his also new found girl.

"Care to bounce?" he asked and as if by magic twenty or so people rushed through the door and joined up on the castle.

While everyone was bouncing, I pretended to be having a whale of a time.

While everyone gradually went home (except me, Howard, Bollo, Naboo and my electro girl of course), I pretended to be happy.

While I climbed the stairs leading her to my bedroom, I pretended to be happy.

While I…well you can see where I'm going with this.

_I said I was over him._

_He thought I was shallow and fickle enough for that to be true._

_And he'll never know any different._

_But in all honesty…_

_**When I make that leap across the emotional boundary, it'll be forever sir!**_


End file.
